I need more than emotional monogamy

What is it about polyamory that I have such issues with? I don’t have a problem with other people living that way, so long as they don’t impose it on me, try to influence my relationship, or have influence over my partner. I mean shit, I have friends who are poly or in open arrangements...it works well for them...doesn't bother me...so what the fuck right???

Emotional monogamy. That is the perfect term for it, not poly, but for open sexual arrangements.

How attached is he to these ideas? How much does he desire to try it? And is his desire for it so strong that it will completely ruin our relationship eventually?

Funny he called just now while I was typing. I asked of course, he says not. I’m not totally convinced. I think one of my biggest fears is being in a monogamous relationship and then way later on having my partner decide they want to explore being open sexually. Because really, even if we discuss it and I’m still set on it not being that way…that doesn’t make the desire go away for them. They just want what they can’t have even more. Would anything make it go away short of them having that experience?

I sigh. Perhaps I’m crazy. I’ve got one foot in the progressive world, and the other in the old world. I’m a walking contradiction. Here is one example of where being unique can seem bad. If he’s not the one…where the hell would I find a partner like myself? Is something wrong with me? I wonder sometimes why I can’t just be more like everyone else when it comes to this. It would certainly save me a lot of heartache.